because we can all be a little kinder to ourselves
Hey you amazing, ambitious, career-driven person you!
Does this ring true?
“My job is taking over my life and I can’t seem to find any work/life balance”
“I am tired of feeling like I suck at being a good partner/mother/son/sister/friend”
“I am OVER the daily grind and feeling exhausted all the time”
“If only I didn’t spend so much energy worrying about what other people think”
You KNOW you could be happier if…
You cut yourself a little slack and were more forgiving and accepting of yourself
You didn’t feel so obligated to do #allthethings
You felt more confident to stand up for yourself and didn’t feel an ounce of guilt about it
You stopped running around like an idiot and actually made time for what mattered to you (which I’m guessing isn’t that email you feel is critical to respond to RIGHT NOW)
Well, let me tell you my friend…that’s all possible with a little thing I call self-love
I hear you! “Self-love” has become such a buzz word and and it can be hard to wrap your head around what it actually means. I like to break down “self-love” into three guiding principles:
1. CHOICE – reminding yourself that you are the one who gets to decide who you are/what you stand for/how to live your life.
2. PLAY – figure out what sparks joy and do more of that.
3. EMPOWERMENT – saying NO to someone else means saying YES to yourself
“I LOVED your self-love challenge. It came at a time for me when I was deeply unhappy with my life in tech and that unhappiness was starting to spread to other parts of my life. The daily challenges kept me grounded and helped direct me to a new career path that I’m really optimistic about. Thank you for putting together such an amazing set of challenges! My favorite exercises/the ones that helped me reflect the most were:
1. Redefining Success
2. Live your best life for a day
3. Treat Yoself!
The first two were really helpful in letting me see that I wasn’t doing what was really important to me at that moment, but that it was POSSIBLE to make the decision to live life according to my definition of success. The third one was just really fun because I got a massage :-).”
Day 21: My wish for myself is that I live this life to its fullest! My wish is that I take advantage of every precious minute, I nourish the relationships and people that I cherish, I continue to prioritize my health, and I find the balance. My first step to making this a reality is to work on being present, conscious, and turning off the mind. Enjoying, listening, and capitalizing on the silence.
Reassessing where I am and having the honest moment is necessary and something that this challenge helped me to learn and confront. For that I am forever grateful, so thank you Elizabeth Su and to this entire group. I appreciate you listening, being a safe space, and for sharing.
I have felt a shift since starting this challenge. I am exercising more regularly, I am no longer fighting the dread of work on a daily basis but instead have taken steps to starting my next work chapter. I have more energy, I started waking up earlier (shocked my partner to no end). I feel like I am taking better care of myself and my family here in Nashville. I am excited to execute on some of the realizations that the daily exercises brought up for me. Tomorrow, I re-do the book shelf in our bedroom to make the space more sanctuary like. Then onto the next….xo
PLEASE NOTE: This 21-Day Radical Self-Love Challenge is currently being offered as a self-study course
But how am I possibly going to add one more thing like “self-love” to my crazy schedule?
I totally get it. Who the heck has time for “self-love” when you are busy meeting tight deadlines, racking up your Starwood points, squeezing in a workout, running to the next happy hour, and catching up with your partner after a long commute (and somehow feeding yourself and sleeping at some point)?!
That’s why I’ll be offering 21 QUICK, SIMPLE and HIGH-IMPACT ways to weave more self-love into your every day. Each week will be centered around one of my three guiding principles of self-love:
Week 1: CHOICE – unpack all of the stories you tell yourself so you can decide what IS and what IS NOT true for you so you can shift from feeling stuck to feeling crystal clear about what needs to change to lead the life you desire.
Week 2: PLAY – change the narrative that you always have to be “productive”, that it’s selfish to prioritize yourself, and that having fun is a waste of time.
Week 3: EMPOWERMENT – tap into your inner badass so you can stand up for yourself unapologetically and not rely on others to make you happy.
A little bit about my radical self-love journey
To be perfectly honest, my radical self-love journey has been a long and winding road. For much of my life, whenever something didn’t go exactly as I had planned, expected, or thought was “supposed” to, I blamed myself. I beat myself up over E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. I created this false illusion that I was in control of everything that happened in my life so if something didn’t go quite “right”, I immediately assumed it was my fault. That I wasn’t trying hard enough/wasn’t smart enough/wasn’t focused enough/wasn’t kind enough/wasn’t confident enough…my negative self-talk creeped into every spare moment I had. As if I was afraid I wouldn’t “learn the lesson” if I didn’t make it abundantly clear to myself that I had F*cked up.
I put so much pressure on myself to do the “right” thing and became terrified of making one wrong step. This deep-seated fear showed up in all areas of my life:
-I consistently worked 14 hour days and every weekend
-I was painfully indecisive and relied heavily on other people’s opinions
-My self-confidence went down the drain
-I would spend days and even weeks replaying and analyzing work/personal scenarios in my head
-I dealt with years of anorexia because figuring out the “right” thing to eat was too overwhelming to me
Overtime, I reached a point where I HAD to make a change. I was so stressed, burned out, and exhausted. It’s exhausting to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders! My health suffered, my relationship suffered, my friendships suffered, and my work suffered. All roads led to trying something new. Because clearly this pattern I had developed wasn’t working.
Little by little, I started loosening the reigns. I started evaluating the types of people I was surrounding myself with. I started exploring where I had come up with the stories I told myself about what was “wrong, “bad,” and “shameful.” I started questioning the feedback I got from others. I started questioning the feedback I gave myself.
As I started to see that the world didn’t come crashing down if I left work early, didn’t respond to an email within 24 hours, ate a cupcake, skipped a run, asked for a raise…I started to TRUST in this self-love thing. I started to see that I couldn’t hate myself to happiness. That happiness resided in LOVING myself more. ACCEPTING myself more. FORGIVING myself more.
Don’t get me wrong. These shifts didn’t happen overnight. And that inner mean girl is still with me, and probably always will be. But I can tell you for certain, her voice is not as loud, doesn’t last as long, and doesn’t run the show anymore.
So trust me when I say: I have been there. That’s why I care SO deeply about teaching others how to be nicer to themselves. Because learning how to turn my self-criticism into self-compassion has completely transformed my life. And I KNOW it will change yours too.